I promised you the rest of the story about my son and the lessons God taught me ~ here it is:
(if you want to read the first part of this story, go here)
Allow me to set the stage for a moment, we had recently changed churches and were about to join this new church. Now, in this particular church you had to be baptized in this church or in a church of the same denomination and bring a letter of referral. We had neither as we came from a nondenominational church. Although three of the six of us had been saved and baptized previously, it was not in this church. After much discussion, we decided we would be baptized into the church. In the meantime, my daughter accepted Christ and was ready to be baptized for the first time. My middle and youngest sons both decided they were also ready to be saved and baptized; all six of us were baptized into the church at the same time. Now, I’m just going to leave that like it is, because I have no desire to start a debate about different denominations right now, or about whether this practice is right or wrong. I will say that if we had the chance to do it over – it wouldn’t happen.
The only reason I told you all of that was so that you would understand the rest of this story. You see my son went through the motions then, but fast forward several years and I start getting nudges from the Holy Spirit that I’m just really not sure my son is truly saved. It wasn’t because he was a bad kid, he’s not. It wasn’t because he was doing horrible things, he wasn’t. I just started noticing things like he wasn’t reading scripture verses I was sending him daily, he was very defensive about certain things and he didn’t seem to be convicted by scripture in areas of his life.
We go to church as often as we can, we attend a weekly family bible study group and we go to a week long bible camp every year. He participates in and seems to enjoy all of these things. We pray at every meal, we discuss God often; we thank Him and pray to Him – all the time. He is a very huge part of our lives.
So, when God started speaking to me and telling me to ask my son about it, I didn’t want to. I was afraid he would be offended that I would dare think such a thing. But God didn’t let up, so I obeyed.
I went into his room while he was working on school work and sat down on his bed. I said, “I want to ask you something and I need you to tell me the truth.” Of course he said, “That depends on the question.” Yeah, he’s 16. I said, “Have you ever given your life to Christ?” He paused, quiet for a moment, thinking and said, “I don’t know.” Silence.
Ugh, my fear was true.
I wanted to cry, but I tried hard not to.
I asked him more questions, and we talked about what it all meant. I asked if he wanted to give his life to Christ. His reply, “I don’t know.” WHAT?!!
Why? Why wouldn’t you want to?
I did not understand and he couldn’t tell me. We kept talking. I kept asking him if he believed in God, in Jesus, in the Bible and he answered yes to everything. He knew it was all true, but he still didn’t know if he wanted to.
I told him that. I said, “I just don’t understand how you can believe it all, how you can know heaven and hell are real and not know if you want to give your life to Christ.” I told him, “The scripture says if you are not for him then you are against him. There is no middle ground.” We talked about it all, about how much God loved him and Jesus dying for him. He couldn’t tell me why and I couldn’t understand.
I left his room, went to mine, fell on my bed and bawled. I wondered if I had done something to turn him away from God. So many things went through my mind; I can’t even begin to list them all. Mostly I was sad and just didn’t understand. I prayed and prayed and then I remembered. God reminded me to trust Him – to trust Him in ALL things and I knew why He had been drilling it into my head the last week.
Here is what I wrote in my journal: “I cannot dwell on this. I have to give it to God and trust Him. He loves my son and wants this more than I do… It is hard not to worry about this, but that will do no good – I must give it to God –He’s got this.”
I kept praying. I prayed off and on all day. We had our second night of revival at church that night and you better believe I was praying hard that he would accept Christ that night. He didn’t. I kept trusting God. I was reminded that God said, “I’ve got this.”
The next morning I was having my quiet time and praying about it again, because believe me it never left my mind. God reminded me of Mark 9:29: And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer and fasting”. I needed to pray AND fast! Then, I needed to lay hands on my son and pray over him. So, that morning I fasted and prayed. I had determined to fast until dinner time, only having liquids, but right before lunch time God said it was time to go pray. I had been talking to God all day, checking in with Him to see what He would have me do. (I need to add a side note here- I have been baptized in the Holy Spirit and believe in speaking in tongues and the powers of the Holy Spirit). At one point He reminded me to pray in tongues over my son and I promised I would, even though I still am not comfortable exercising that gift in front of others. (He is working on me in that area).
My other children were all outside and my son was in his room, so I went in there and knelt down by his bed. I said I am not going to ask you more questions, but I want to pray for you. He stopped what he was working on and let me pray for him. I put both my hands on him and prayed aloud, I rebuked Satan and then I spoke in tongues over him. I finished, got up, went to my room and thanked God. I chose to believe that He would answer my prayers and I gave it to Him. I trusted Him.
That night was the third and last night of revival. My son was sitting at the end of the row with my two other sons between us. Every time the teacher said something I thought might spark in my son, I prayed for him but I was no longer worried. At the end of service, the teacher had us bow our heads and asked if anyone wanted to give their life to Christ – I thought I saw the shadow on the floor of my son’s hand going up. I smiled and praised God, believing He had answered my prayer. There was much more praying before the service was actually over and I was able to talk to my son. I wanted to ask him and know for sure. I walked over to him and he said “No hugs.” That is just like him, a 16 year old boy that does not want his mother hugging him, especially in front of everyone. But, he said, “You can cry now.” He knows me so well! I did. One of our friends was sitting right by us and hugged me since my son wouldn’t and I just bawled. I’m a crier. I admit it.
Later some of us were in the front of the church, praying and talking and I noticed the teacher, our pastor, my husband and my son were all standing there. They were praying for him and he was smiling. They called me over to make sure I knew what had happened, I said yes and then I hugged him. I told him I didn’t care, I was hugging him anyway! He just gave me that half smile and let me. Thank you Jesus for answered prayers and hearts given to you!
I was literally shaking with excitement for awhile after the service. The power of the Holy Spirit is a mighty thing.
Now, I want you to understand that I didn’t tell you any of this so that you would think I have magical praying powers, God did the work. I give all glory to Him! I do, however, hope you understand how important it is for us to pray and then believe God will answer those prayers. We must trust Him and take Him at His word. We must cling to the scriptures and the truth in them. We need to listen for God’s voice and then obey Him. That is one of the lessons I learned through this.
Another thing God showed me was that I hadn’t truly had a heart for the lost until now. Until I had the fear of my son not going to heaven, I didn’t have the compassion for lost like I should. God opened my heart to them in a way he probably couldn’t have any other way.
I pray you have been blessed by this story and I pray you have been encouraged to listen for God’s voice and then obey him, in all things.